I think my Hamster may have committed insider trading via /r/wallstreetbets #stocks #wallstreetbets #investing

I think my Hamster may have committed insider trading

I am going to be intentionally vague in this post.

I live in Chicago, and before I got him my hamster was apparently the corporate pet of the CEO of some big-time hedge fund or something IDK. Any rate, they apprently gave him free run of the place and he'd often run around the desks and across conference tables, much loved by all. Unbeknownste to many the company itself was going through some financial turmoil and they often had highly sensitive papers out everywhere, so he got to see everything.

From what I understand, they say they had to get rid of him when he suddenly became feral, which is strange because he always seemed fine to me when I rescued him from the hamster pound. But that was it really, he was good as gold, until last week.

I had started receiving letters through the post to our address, and when I'd go to pick them up off the doorstep they'd be gone. Figuring a neighbour was taking them I set a security camera up to work out what was going on. To my surprise it was Hammy, scampering over and dragging them from the mat. He'd always been a noisy critter at night so I just figured that was his way. Another security camera set up near his cage revealed what was really going on.

Using a bent hair grip he was letting himself out of the cage once I had gone to bed, logging in to what seems be some kind of options trading account, and as far as the video shows he's slamming those puts hard. The letters it seems were broker statements that he'd hidden at the bottom of his cage.

While he was sleeping the other day I crept in and quietly and slowly removed those statement from the cage, and it looks like he's making a killing on those trades because that firm he was at is in more trouble than we all knew. More worrying the statements seem to have my name on them, as does his trading account based on the screen grabs from the video.

Is there any way for him to get into trouble here? Nobody we know knows he's doing this. I wouldn't know who to tell, and I certainly wouldn't want to get him in trouble. Apart from anything I don't know how'll react when he finds out I know. Is what he's doing illegal? Does anyone think I should confront him directly about this? I'm just super nervous that if any of this comes out the poor little feller could go to jail.

Submitted August 01, 2022 at 04:33PM by loud-spider
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