Drive-thru dominance and Chinese throbbers: The Lie Auto saga via /r/wallstreetbets #stocks #wallstreetbets #investing

It was 10:31 AM – my second favorite minute of the day. My first favorite is the 9:30 opening bell, of course, when I get to see how much less my options are worth compared to the day before, but I digress. A fool of a man had just tried to order breakfast during my second favorite minute of the day. He preemptively stated that he had been in line since 10:25. He was calculating his odds of being able to successfully order breakfast during lunch time from the comfort of his Cadillac Escalade. I knew that he knew his fate was solely in my hands. I could smell the desperation through intercom system – my intercom system. A less worthy adversary would have rolled over and given this late-rising loaf of shit what he requested. After all, the croissants, biscuits and hash browns were all here, still warm and ready for the taking, ready to be devoured by anyone who could manage to obtain them. But I am not that guy. The sheer power I had over this person is a power most people will never be blessed enough to experience or understand. I felt my phallus swelling at the thought of breaking the news – BREAKFAST. WAS. OVER.

I started chuckling at this customer’s request, and then began laughing heartily. My laugh turned maniacal and I was suddenly on the verge of succumbing to my nearly uncontrollable arousal. Begrudgingly, I put an abrupt pause to my enthusiasm by harnessing my inner Chi, a technique I had learned during employee orientation here. After all, I had to maintain professionalism in the workplace. My carefully chosen words calmly flowed through the intercom system, “Friend… breakfast ends at 10:30. Surely, you must know this.” I envisioned this man’s psyche being absolutely obliterated by my dominance. He response was a predictable one. One I had heard many times before. He said, “Come again.” It is true, our drive-thru intercom system will often create distorted, nearly inaudible exchanges, but I was positively certain this man heard me clearly. My experience taught me that he was simply stalling as he sought a better rebuttal. Besides, I already caught this pathological liar lying once about arriving at 10:25 and now he was clearly at it again. His deceit had dug him an unimaginably large hole, and I was about to fill his hole, just not with breakfast sandwiches. I was fully engorged at this point. I had to shift my body away from the co-workers putting together orders behind me so that they couldn’t witness just how excited I had become.

I said, “Partner, we unfortunately won’t be able to accommodate your breakfast request as it is now lunch time. May I suggest one of our Baconators? They are truly delicious.”

My foe reacted combatively, “Look, I’m not your friend or your partner. It’s fuckin’ 10:31. I have two kids in the car who are hungry. I was in line already. Just ask your manager to let me pick from the breakfast menu.”

Not only was he doubling down on his deceit, but this circus clown of a father was also teaching his children how to fail miserably at ordering fast food breakfast during lunch time. I replied, “I’m glad you can hear me clearly now…sir. Allow me to ask my manager for this exception to our breakfast policy.” I proceeded to open my trading app to see if there were any juicy intra-day trading opportunities. For several minutes I perused the app and considered opening a position or two. Ultimately, I did not. I was too annoyed and distracted with this gas guzzling fuck stain on the opposite side of the brick wall which separated us. Of course, I made zero attempt to seek a manager. I had to regain power, and quickly. My enthusiasm for this situation was waning.

“Sir, I checked with the manager. That’s going to be a negative on the breakfast. Moreover, it’s now 10:34 and well into lunch time. We both know everyone’s favorite meal is breakfast, but it will never be breakfast again for the rest of the day and you’ll just have to accept that. God may have the reigns until 10:30 AM, but when the clock strikes 10:31, God takes a lunch break and I take over. You came here on my shift, amigo. I don’t care if you arrived at 6:00 AM. The time is now 10:35 and under no circumstance will you be served breakfast on my watch.”

Huhuhhhhhhuhhh!

I had eviscerated this breakfast-seeking buffoon and experienced a beautiful, full release in the process. I now had the post-nut clarity needed to make effective trades during the rest of my shift. But this POS in the Escalade suddenly started blaring the horn. I screamed into my headset, “It’s fucking over, SIR! It’s time for you to go and get your lunch somewhere else. It’s LUNCH time!”

But he kept honking. And honking…. And then suddenly, I snapped into it. The horn wasn’t from the irate customer in an Escalade, it was from an irate customer behind me… in an actual drive-thru! I had gotten way too high again on my day off and zoned out while staring at the drive-thru menu. I frantically yelled into the intercom system from my 1998 Nissan Altima, “I want two Baconators and, uh, two hash browns!” The employee replied, “Sir, this is an Arby’s, and breakfast ended an hour and a half ago.”

The only thing harder than the cock of a fast food worker denying someone breakfast at 10:31 AM is the cock of a Chinese hedge fund stealing American dollars. Li Auto is currently a $43B scam. Goldman Sachs is helping facilitate their scam by managing the recently announced $2B offering of American depositary shares – AKA the Chinese exit scam. Naturally, earlier this week Goldman Sachs increased its price target for Li Auto from $20.60 to $58.60 in an effort to help maintain liquidity while their Chinese comrades cash out. Yes, that’s right, Goldman “believes” a Chinese EV company who really only sells hybrids, whose vehicle suspensions routinely break into pieces and whose cars catch fire, who has zero presence anywhere in the world except within small areas of China, who has numerous EV competitors with far better technology, who has a PE ratio of over 14,000, and who significantly fabricates delivery numbers just like NIO… is worth $61B.

ATM 60-90 DTE Li puts should pay handsomely. Not sure how long this pile of shit continues to get pumped, but make no mistake, there is fuckery afoot, and the Chinese will be cashing out. And if I’m wrong, catch ya at the drive-thru.